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Relationships can be tough—especially when the relationship you’re in is an open relationship with a porn star. I’m not speaking from experience or anything, I just imagine it would be hard to have a closed relationship with a porn star.
When Kyle Cease invited Sam on stage at a recent Evolving Out Loud event (“Sam’s” name has been changed to protect privacy, and also a little bit because I can’t remember his real name and it’ll be hard to find it now), he shared that he was having trouble deciding whether the heaviness he was feeling from his open relationship with his porn star girlfriend was a sign that he should let the relationship go, or if it was an opportunity for him to transcend the part of himself that was feeling uncomfortable with his girlfriend being with other men. Seriously. I’m not making this up, you can watch the video below if you don’t believe me.
Kyle often talks about paying attention to what feels heavy and what feels light in your body, and then moving towards the things that feel light. The things that feel light are the things you’re excited about, they’re the things that bring you joy and truly call to you. The things that feel heavy are the things you addictively keep around just because you think you should, but deep down you don’t really want them in your life. So Sam had a really, good question—”how do you tell the difference between heavy things that you should let go of, and heavy things that are here to grow you to the next phase of your personal evolution?”
This is how brilliant the ego is: ego is the one asking that question. Ego created both choices. Both of those choices are based on the mental belief that one way is better than the other—because the mind is the only part of us that believes that there is a “right choice”. If Sam was listening to the feeling in his body more than his head, he wouldn’t even have a question.
Our minds like to create dilemmas like this all day long so that we can stay on the level of “having a problem to solve” as a way to distract us from the unlimited amount of effortless wisdom that we have inside of ourselves. We often get tricked into the illusion of trying to do things the “right” way, because—after years of being trained to get approval externally—we believe that if we do something “wrong” we won’t get love.
Underneath the minds’ constant battle with itself is the real truth: you are loved no matter what the circumstance, no matter what your life looks like right now. All you are is love. If you just take a moment to sit quietly and go deeper within yourself, you’ll start to realize that all of the things you’re chasing and all of the decisions you’re trying to find the “answer” to are just a distraction from that fundamental truth.
This is an actual way of living. When you decide to listen to the truth inside of you instead of the voice in your head that’s just trying to find problems to solve—the solutions to every question you have will just start to show up without even looking for them. Your entire being is a solution. Your life is one giant opportunity. When this awareness opens up in you, you will step into a dimension of endless possibility and life will truly never be the same.
So, in conclusion, it doesn’t matter whether or not you have an open relationship with a porn star—if you have an open relationship with your heart, all your questions will be answered.
-The Evolving Out Loud Team
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